LEFT BRAIN / RIGHT BRAIN

With the Republican National Convention wrapping up in the City of Brotherly Love, a change seems to be taking over the GOP. In order to be more acceptable to the general populace, the GOP is taking a less conservative approach to politics. Generally considered to the the party of Big Business and Old Money, the Republicans are trying to soften their image by introducing more tax cuts as well as the elimination of the Marriage Penalty Tax and inheritance tax laws. And as the Clinton Presidency winds down, they are trying to portray themselves as the party of higher integrity and moral value, pushing for tougher stances on crime, a return to God, and an end to vice and corruption.

But the GOP is also looking to push education as part of their agenda. Bringing out Colin Powell to the podium, the GOP is pushing for a newer, higher level of education for our country through the use of standardized testing for students and teachers, school voucher programs, mentoring, home schooling, and anything else that is found to work, even in the inner cities where education reform is sorely needed. The inclusion of Colin Powell as a main speaker at the RNC is also meant to show the the Republican Party is becoming a more inclusive party. No longer the party of the White establishment, the GOP hopes to bring in more minority voters to its side, including Hispanics, Asians and anyone else that can add some fresh blood to the party..

The GOP still trying to be the GOP, but the times a a-changin', and the Republican Party is just starting to try and keep up with it.

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But it's not just the Republicans that are trying to change. The Democratic Party is also trying to beef up it's image. Once considered the liberal wing of politics, the Democratic Party has become tougher and larger in the past decade. Trying to shed it's tax-and-spend reputation, the Democrats are also looking to include tax cuts in it's agenda, albeit not on the sweeping scale of the Republican side, but a tax cut nonetheless. Hoping to maintain the unprecedented levels of growth and prosperity, the Democrats are looking more long term in the fact that they do not want to drain an economic surplus for tax cuts while they still want to shore up Social Security and Medicare and other social programs.

And no longer liberal in the areas of crime and punishment, the Democrats have pushed for stricter crime prevention tactics, sweping drug enforcment policies, tougher sentencing laws, and stricter gun control policies. Even militarily, the Democrats are looking to build an ABM system on a small scale, despite it's possible conflict with the ABM Treaty of 1972.

The Democrats still try to be the People's Party, but as they move to a more conservative path, they may find themselves losing the voters that once traditionally supported them.

All in all, as both parties work to become more mainstream and acceptable, their platforms are beginning to become blurred, and a clear choice is difficult to make. And with the two-party system monopolizing the airwaves, any third party choice is almost unelectable. Apparently, we must ultimately choose the lesser of two evils, but finding a leader in the tangle of rhetoric may ultimately prove to be futile.

Ah, screw this! Let's just give 'em all Bowie knives and let them fight it out, and have the whole thing televised in a Pay-per-View format. Hell, I'd pay to see Al Bore and "Death Penalty" Dubya go at it, slashin' and stabbin' like junkie ninjas on P.C.P.! If you're lucky, they'll kill each other, because if you vote for either of them, ya can't win.

On the one side, you got the Republiho's. Don't let their new doublespeak rhetoric fool ya: the GOP is still Big Business' bitch. Just give 'em a little kickback or some soft-as-a-rich-tit money or a little face time, and those elephant men'll just bend over and do you 'til you can't give anymore. That better education stuff they were spewing? That's only for those that can afford it. The GOP knows that an uneducated populace is an easily manipulated populace. The inheritance tax rollback is really for their rich, old friends who want to pass on all their wealth directly to their heirs without having to launder it all first or funnel it through some offshore accounts, thus saving all the transaction and lawyer fees. And that less conservative slant is just a ploy too. Once they're in, you know they'll mandate that everyone in the U.S. of A. must either already be, or quickly convert into, a Patriot Christian, preferably Protestant, Southern Baptist or at the least, Methodist. Don't even think of saying Allah: you get out the "All" part and the NSA, CIA and FBI'll all be at your door, shootin' first and then shootin' later, just to be sure.

Oh, and all you minorities that think the GOP is an inclusive party...you gotta stay after the RNC and clean up. And you still won't be able to get on their golf courses, and don't even think of dating their daughters.

Don't think the Democraps are any better. Eight years of Clinthole has turned the White House into the Cathouse. Hillary's in New York, so you know Billary is changing all the light bulbs to red ones and chasing anything even remotely female around his office. And yeah, there's been eight years of prosperity, but did you get any of it? Probably not, unless you're a well connected lobbyist, a white guy connected to Big Business, or someone who can get Bill a date. The Democrats allegedly built up this huge surplus, but they'll be boiled in their own pudding if they're gonna give you a dime of it. Hell, they want everything you got now: your money, your guns, your marijuana, your freedom. If you have religion, they'll want to take that from you (at least in public). If you have something to say that they don't agree with, you can't say it. Fly a Southern Battle Flag over your home state, and they'll make you take it down, and if you burn the Stars and Stripes, they'll put you in jail. And don't think they're watching...those big-assed glasses Janet "Burn those Kids" Reno is wearing can tell you're doing wrong, and she's got some ATF agents with armor piercing bullets ready to shoot through your mom to get at you.

And if Al Bore gets in, you can expect more of the same. More taxes. More gummint infringement of your rights to keep you, and of course the children, safe, or some other such shit. And this time, you know Gore isn't gonna have any of those juicy scandals that made Billary interesting. It'll be Jimmy "Uh" Carter all over again.

Go Independent you say? Even the Independents suck sewage. Buchanan=Inquisition. Nader=True Boredom Perot=Nutbar. I'm tellin'ya, they should all be done away with in an efficient, clean manner.

And then I'll be able to take over with a minimum of fuss.